And I feel so good about it.
Confused? Yeah, so was I!
But before I get into that, let’s just rewind for a second.
So a few weeks ago, I decided to close the doors to Soulful Warrior Coaching officially. It wasn't any easy decision to make and it brought up a whole bunch of insecurities for me. Feelings of not being good enough and shame that I couldn’t make it work.
But after a lot of deep introspection, several therapy sessions and a long chat with my friend; I realised I had been playing right into the “quitting is a losers game” narrative and I started to see it from a different perspective.
3 years ago I took a massive leap by starting my own business. I took a risk. I challenged myself. I pushed myself so far out of my comfort zone I didn’t even recognise myself at times.
I tried and did things I didn’t think I was capable of.
I gained new skills, learned lessons and made some incredible connections and friends.
I faced so many fears, in so many different ways.
And although it didn’t give me the financial security I’d have hoped for, it gave me so much more.
The reason I decided to shut up shop was because in the last 6 months I was doing less of the stuff I loved and more of the stuff I didn’t love; and I was miserable as a result. And with all the other emotional crap I was carrying I decided that for the time being at least, it was probably best I stepped back into the world of the employed as opposed to the self employed. Take the pressure off and all that…you know?
So the job hunt began a couple of months ago, and I’m not gonna lie, it’s been far from fun. Striking the balance between a job that I won’t get bored in but also won’t stress me out to the point where I seek solace in a bottle of Savvy Blanc aka a relapse in my world; is tricky to say the least.
But then a few weeks ago an incredible job came up that was perfect for me, my skill set and my experience. It was literally the perfect match. So, of course I applied and I was a bit shocked when I received an email the very next day, inviting me for an interview.
I had over a week to prepare and the closer it got to interview day, the more I wanted the job. So I prepped hard and I remained focused. I’ve just realised I’m trying to create a literary crescendo here when there is literally no point, because I’ve already told you I didn't get it.
So, why am I happy that I didn’t get it? Well, I’m not. Of course I’m a bit gutted but here’s what I am happy about.
It was my first ‘proper’ interview in almost 9 years and I didn’t tank it.
I got some incredible feedback.
They said they would reach out if/when another position became available.
But most of all, I responded to the news instead of reacting.
If 2019 Shaena had been rejected following a job interview, the positive feedback would have fallen on deaf ears and she would have drowned her sorrows with some Stolichnaya vodka and spent the following days under a ‘woe is me’ cloud. She would have felt hopeless.
But here’s what 2023 Shaena did. She told her friends and family that she didn’t get it but shared all the positives. She spent the rest of the afternoon looking for other jobs. She went to an AA meeting and shared her experience. She ended her day feeling hopeful…and woke up today without shame, sadness and most importantly without a hangover!
A friend of mine sent me this in a message the day after the interview, when I told her I thought my answers were a bit messy because I was so out of interview practice.
“... If you don’t get it, maybe it’s because you are meant to keep working on yourself without too much pressure on a job”.
And I kinda feel like she might be onto something. That job was perfect for me in so many ways, but maybe it was the timing that was a bit off. Something tells me I will be hearing from them again, if not about this role, but perhaps another one. And I think this is just the universe’s way of letting me know…. Not this time Shaena, not yet and not this.
Which I’m totally okay with.